Like many others, I have been searching for love in an intimate partnership. I have been wanting a partner to love me in a deep, unconditional way that validates my worth and beauty. In that search for love, I have tried to manage myself and others in the name of love, to “strong arm” love.

Guess what? This doesn’t work. This doesn’t get me the love that I long for. In fact, this keeps love out. I can’t stay open to receiving real love if I’ms still caught up in the game and misbeliefs about love.

The integration of my own masculine and feminine energy allows me to soften into my own heart. When I vibrate at my own frequency of love, I stay wildly open to giving and receiving the unconditional love I had been looking elsewhere for. This is a dance between two ways of being: The masculine that goes for what I want and the feminine that is receptive and soft. When I am at ease with these two elements within me, I am in flow with love.

In this video blog, I explore this further. I hope you enjoy!

Love.

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It’s common to see our relationships through the lens of unconscious memories of people from our past (projections), through barriers or walls to intimacy (deflections), through old ideas from the past about who we are (introjections), through shame and guilt (retroflections), or through the opinions of others (confluence). In Gestalt psychotherapy, we call these Contact Boundary Disturbances. All of these disturbances are patterned ways of being in relationships that we developed early in life in an attempt to find safety and keep connection. These were adaptable strategies that helped us when we didn’t yet know how to stand in our dignity and our truth. 

 

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