Have you ever been triggered? Irritated? Annoyed?

Have you ever been jealous? Judgmental? Angry?

If you are, in fact, human, you likely answered “Yes!” to all of those questions. I have had countless experiences in my life where I have tried to figure out how to manage a relationship with someone who triggers me, regardless of how deep the connection is. With an acquaintance, a boss, a partner, or my own children, when someone else triggers me I can have a difficult time staying open to the connection. Part of me shuts down in my trigger and I just want the other person to be different.

The more I grow and evolve, the more I realize that whatever triggers me about you, is MINE. If I judge you for being too talkative, there is a part withing myself that I have disowned that doesn’t value my own verbal expression. If I am annoyed by my child’s need to control, I have disowned my own need to be the boss of everything. If I feel jealous of your success, it’s because I have disenfranchised my own power to create what I want in the world.

THERE IS NO OTHER.

This is something we hear a lot in different spiritual philosophies; however, in practical application it is extremely empowering. The more aware I am about what triggers me, the more empowered I am to look at that part within myself. The purpose of the trigger is to bring this part up out of the recess of my unconscious to be purified, integrated, and healed.

I speak more about this in my newest video blog.

Lots of love.

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Are you speaking your truth or are you just projecting?

It’s common to see our relationships through the lens of unconscious memories of people from our past (projections), through barriers or walls to intimacy (deflections), through old ideas from the past about who we are (introjections), through shame and guilt (retroflections), or through the opinions of others (confluence). In Gestalt psychotherapy, we call these Contact Boundary Disturbances. All of these disturbances are patterned ways of being in relationships that we developed early in life in an attempt to find safety and keep connection. These were adaptable strategies that helped us when we didn’t yet know how to stand in our dignity and our truth. 

 

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