The paradox of being both angry and kind baffles many. Just because you are overcome with a dark emotion doesn’t mean you need to discharge it in inappropriate ways when you utilize the tools of consciousness. There are three steps you need to use in order to stay conscious enough to go for solution and connection even when you’re angry:
1.) Validate your anger: When we try to suppress or diminish our anger, it grows. Your brain can feel hijacked by the anger, and it can seem like it’s all there is. Validating and owning your anger will help you to elevate your consciousness and give space to your strong emotions. Sometimes this simply means saying “I feel angry,” either to yourself or the person with whom you may have conflict.
2.) Sensing into your anger: Drawing your inner eye deeper and knowing what the anger feels like in your body will help you to stop the story you have about your anger and get closer to self-regulation. This process is called attuning, and when you are attuned to your emotional world you are empowered with emotional intelligence. From here you create a spaciousness around your anger which always elevates your consciousness.
3.) Self-regulation: Now that you’ve validated your feeling and sensed into it in your body, you know what you need to regulate. Self regulation is often taking a few long slow breaths to calm down and come back to yourself. I know it sounds simple but when you are full of anger it is counter-intuitive to turn toward it and regulate. Turn toward your anger with awareness, soothe with intention and then move forward toward solution.
I’d love to answer any questions about this process!